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Influencing Others22-Mar-2010

Q - I’m a VP in a large company, and have good relationships with all of my colleagues… except for one of my peers. I’ll admit it – I don’t trust her, don’t like the way she treats my team, and certainly don’t like how she undermines me with our boss. I want to be professional and be seen as easy to work with, but she’s driving me crazy. What can I do?

A - Sounds like you already know this isn’t sustainable, so you’re half-way to the solution (you have to see the value in strengthening the relationship before you’ll act). Start by analyzing the relationship (based on facts) and determine specific situations or examples that you can bring to a conversation with your peer (don’t forget to objectively assess your own behavior, and be willing to admit a few faults of your own). Focus on facts, but also be prepared to share how your peer’s behavior or attitude makes you feel; often times, we need to break the ice and connect on a emotional level in order to take the relationship to a better place. Stay composed during the conversation; make it all about repairing the working relationship and moving forward. Concentrate on what you’re trying to achieve together as teammates. Extend an offer to put trust back into the relationship, and then behave that way. In other words, take the high road, sit down with your peer, and make a genuine effort to repair the relationship. 

Q - Here's my situation: I'm new to the company, and have already seen a lot of things that could be improved around here.  When I've try to point these out to people and share my ideas for fixing things, I can't seem to get anyone's attention.  How can I exert my influence more effectively? 

A - It all starts with your approach to sharing ideas.  Your ideas may be good ones, but it's probably the way you're sharing them that is causing you to lack influence.  You must "honor the past" when you start with a new company... after all, these people have been here for awhile and probably built some of the processes you're criticizing.  Couch all of your recommendations as suggestions, and point out what is working before offering your ideas for making things even better.  Also, build a coalition of like-minded people by socializing your ideas and gathering input to make them even stronger before sharing them... you need to convince people that you're sincerely interested in improvement, not just in showing everyone how smart you are!